The World According to Rico – Aspirations for the future, earning my Bono Degree

I’m not very old but I have decided I better start thinking about my future.

I need to make some plans about who and what I want to grow up to be, so I can get started on the required training, planning, education.

Apparently, the folks want me to go to their home-school dog college and earn something I feel is called The Bono Degree.

I already know what I’m going to look like when I am an adult (see accompanying picture of that superdog) because I’m the spitting puppy image of my Great-Uncle Bono. The folks say I look just like him, when he was my age. So apparently I’m going to turn into the Fabio version of a dog, with long glorious locks and a strong chest I will puff out toward all who care to look.

I already have my curl-up-around-my-back tail like Bono, just a smaller version at this point. Apparently, that too is going to get a lot more full and overly dramatic, if you ask me.

Allegedly, I’m going to love to ride whenever I can, just because my predecessor did. I hear, at great length, how Bono loved to ride shotgun in the vehicle and even believed he could drive. Well, that portion of education will need to start soon on my end, because right now, I loathe  it. Anytime the folks have tried to get me in a car or a van or a Suburban or a pickup or anything – well, I just writhe and scream like they are boiling me in hot oil. I guess I will have to enroll in Riding101 as soon as possible, if I’m going to graduate to Bono Greatness.

I have passed my preliminary course in water loving, as I’ve laid in an inch of water in my baby pool. I had two baths in the kitchen sink and a few days ago I moved on to the bathtub (because I don’t fit in the sink anymore). I was going to go to Soggy Doggy Day at the family aquatic center, but the folks’ work went longer than planned – that’s just fine, I need a little more experience before that public performance.

I love ice. Love ice. Love ice. So I’ve already passed that class, if I’m going to be compared to the king of all Keeshonds. I love it so much I’ve impressed them even more than that 1990s dog.

Great Uncle Bono could fetch, beg, roll over, dance upon command. Heck, he probably also could buy groceries, mow the lawn, play the piano, do laundry and paint the house – seeing how he was so remarkable. But I’ll start with the little stuff. Dad has me on the verge of accomplishing the fetching and begging, so I’m nearly there. Oh, but Bono wasn’t a published writer like I am . . . so I already have him there with my little weekly column on justmelaniew.com.

He loved to have his back scratched, right under his curled-around tail. Whatever – I’ve impressed my mom by asking to have my arm pits rubbed every time I wake up. She’s so smitten with and fooled by my little “sleepy baby” act, she’ll never remember Bono’s weird request.

Bono loved popcorn. I prefer Doritos. He went psycho for beef. I am more of a chicken kind of guy. I think the comparisons of our educated palates are pretty even even though diverse. And we both have/had the experience of hiccups, which isn’t something to be proud of.

I think Bono was more of a protector, I’m more of a lover.

He was passionate about finding girlfriends, acting like he knew what was happening when guys worked on race cars, licking beer cans and figuring out how to open locked doors. At this point, I’m passionate about jumping at butterflies, barking at birds, licking marigolds, wrapping myself around the toilet and eating my own fur.

I hear he could talk and listen like a person – I’ve already got that nailed down, although my voice hasn’t changed yet. I’m still a little yippy and don’t command a lot of deep-throated respect just yet.

The good news is that I have plenty of time to hone my skills and learn all kinds of things to bring myself to the level of Bono Stardum — I’m only a few months old, he got to be like 17 years young. The other good news is that I think I’m already so cool, even if I was the dumbest clod on earth, they’d still think I was the best whether I have that coveted Bono Degree or not.

 

 

 

 

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