Oh yes, I want some of that . . .

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We live in an age where prescription drugs are big money and marketing those drugs is as well.

In today’s world we are bombarded with television, online and print advertising about “miraculous” prescription drugs that will cure pretty much anything. We are told to ask our doctors about using these drugs that can take care of addictions, ailments and long-term conditions.

They also have to make sure to somehow slip in the side effects that might occur. This is where my mind begins to explode and the last thing in my mind is, “Oh, yes, I want some of that . . .”

Sometimes the disclosures are so insane it makes me laugh out loud and wonder who on earth would be willing to risk all that.

For example, there’s a scene with happy music playing while a woman frolics in a meadow. She’s overjoyed that she finally got a full night’s sleep thanks to some pill.

As she picks wildflowers, the voice-over quickly interjects that the drug “may cause serious side effects that you may not know are happening to you. These include sleepiness during the day; not thinking clearly; acting strangely, confused or upset; sleep-walking or doing other activities when you are asleep such as eating, talking or driving a car.”

While she twirls in the sunlight, we are warned that she might also have “abnormal thoughts and behavior; aggressive behavior; hallucinations; worsening of depression; suicidal thoughts or actions; memory loss; anxiety; the temporary inability to move or talk for up to several minutes while going to sleep or waking up; and temporary weakness in your legs that can happen during the day or at night.”

Is all that worth the chance of not waking up during the night?

Oh, yes, I want some of that . . .

It seems there are medicinal options for people with nicotine addictions, as well. These proven drugs will help them put down the cigarettes and live a smoke-free life.

But as seen in the commercials, as a well-dressed businessman happily smiles from his penthouse office overlooking the city (thrilled that he doesn’t have to go outside for a drag), we are reminded that the drug might also do a few other things for users.

These include: changes in behavior, the creation of hostility, suicidal thoughts, panic, anger, abnormal sensations, paranoia seizures, the inability to tolerate alcohol; the peeling of skin; swelling of the face, mouth and throat that can cause trouble breathing; and heart vessel problems.

Sounds great.

Oh, yes, I want some of that.

Do you have a slow heart rate that needs adjusting? There’s a drug for that. In the commercial toting its benefits, we see a group of four men on the golf course – thrilled that this medication has made them feel young again. As they shoot holes in one, we are quickly reminded that in between swings they might experience the following: fainting, dizziness, weakness, extreme tiredness, shortness of breath, chest pains, headache and memory problems.

Oh, yes, I want some of that.

And then there are the commercials about the poor women who have overactive bladders. They try to go bowling . . . but their cartoon bladder character keeps pulling them to the rest room. They try to go to a movie, have dinner, walk the dog . . . but that dang bladder keeps interfering.

Never fear, however, there’s a pill for that. It will quiet the overactive bladder and your life will be full of uninterrupted bliss.

However, keep in mind, “the most common side effects are dry mouth and constipation. Other less common side effects include heartburn, blurry vision, rapid heartbeat, flushed skin, urinary retention, impaired memory and confusion.”

Oh, yes, I want some of that.

I’m impressed with the production of these commercials in that they can tell us all the horrible plagues that will befall us . . . but we shouldn’t care too much because we will also achieve our medical goals.

But to be honest, I’d rather have urgent urination, a slow heart rate and the inability to sleep. That’s only three ailments compared to the dozens that could befall me should I take the pills.

The remedies? No thanks.

The ailments and addictions? Oh, yes, I guess I want some of that.


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