Put some pants on, please

The word “pajamas,” according to the dictionary, means “A suit of loose pants and jacket or shirt for sleeping in.”

OK, did everyone catch that last part?

“For sleeping in.”

“For sleeping in.”

“For sleeping in.”

Now that we have that established, I will explain my reasoning behind the definition.

If pajamas are for sleeping in – sleep in them. But everyone, please, stop wearing pajama pants out in public!

This is my outcry for the week as I examine two particular situations I cannot handle (and I’ve heard others speak of it as well).

We’ve all seen it. People roaming about the world in fuzzy pajama pants that are completely appropriate for your own house, but not at the grocery store!

In talking with people I know, pajama pants have been seen in a multitude of public locations (heck, there’s even a website just for people to post photos of pajama pant sightings).

Pajama pant wearers can be seen at Wal-Mart at any time of the day or night. There are pajamas at the gas pump, pajamas walking down the sidewalk, pajamas in the bank, pajamas in the courtroom!

And the pajamas often are way too long, sloshing about in street grime under a pair of flip flops.

With my own eyes, I saw a middle-aged man at a restaurant for Sunday brunch, wearing both the pajama top and bottoms. Yes, and there’s more. The pajamas were bright green with the Mountain Dew logo all over.

The pajamas were so worn, they were probably created the year Mountain Dew was invented. Besides the fact this seemingly normal man wore these pajamas in public for brunch, it was also noted that his entire extended family, who was dining with him, was dressed in regular, normal street clothes – yet didn’t seem to notice his odd choice.

It’s my thinking that what we wear to bed needs to stay in bed – and when we’re out in the world, we need to be wearing outdoor clothes! I’m not the snazziest dresser at all times – so being a fancy pants isn’t what I feel should be standard. I just think that if you are going to be seen by other people – you should at least be wearing pants.

And speaking of pants, that takes me to my next pet peeve when it comes to clothes. I’ve hated this trend for years, but a recent story from a wise older man made me recognize it even more.

The man and I were standing in the check-out lane of a store. He told me how he must be getting older because he can’t tolerate what some of the younger guys are wearing today – or rather, what they aren’t wearing.

“I saw this young guy, about 20-22 years old,” the man said. “And I couldn’t believe it. He had on a pair of baggy jeans – that were belted below his buns with his underwear sticking out! What’s the point of wearing pants? So I walked up to him and said, ‘How’s that outfit working for you when you go out looking for a job?’”

Chuckling, I asked the man about the response from the underwear-exposing individual.

“Well, the dang punk just looked at me and grunted, ‘Huh? I don’t get it.’” the man remembered.“He just mumbled something about not having a job and I told him straight up that if he doesn’t know how to wear his pants, then he probably doesn’t know how to do anything else.”

The issue of “crack exposure” and showing the world your underwear as the back of your pants sag to your knees is one of ridiculousness.

I’ll admit I’ve even yelled at a young guy from the street before, as I drove by, to please, please pull up his pants because the rest of us didn’t do anything to deserve the view he was offering.

OK, I’m done. I realize I must be getting older because I grew up in the days when men with big, giant hair were gorgeous; neon colors were used for more than just reflector vests on road crews; and the thought of wearing one glove (for no reason other than mimicking Michael Jackson) was reasonable.

But really – these fashion statements aren’t really positive statements. To me, they just seem to be symbols of laziness. At least my era’s big-haired guys made an effort and had skill with a can of hair spray.

Call me crazy, or crotchety, or just plain crabby – that’s just how I see it.

And until someone can convince me otherwise, I think everyone should put some pants on and pull them up, please!



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